Monday, December 17, 2012

Well it happened...not when I was expecting it, but at 4AM this morning. I was expecting to have a sit down conversation when I wasn't half asleep and when I could concentrate and answer the questions that were sure to come to the best of my knowledge.
My oldest entered our room at 4AM this morning, he had tears in his eyes and looked terrified. I figured it was a bad dream or a dreaded stink bug (my oldest is TERRIFIED of stink bugs) I sat up and he embraced me...a hug I haven't felt in a long time...a hug that I didn't want to end. I could feel the terror and confusion in his little body. I wanted to make everything right and tell him everything would be OK, that he had nothing to worry about, but no words came....we just hugged. I started to cry, I knew the question that was coming...
"Mommy...do you think anyone would ever bring a gun to our school?"

I hugged him again.

I searched my brain for answers, the right answers. What I wanted to say vs. What I should say.

"Bad things happen sometimes, there are some not nice people in the world, but you have great teachers and friends and family...people that will protect you no matter what." And then my thoughts shifted to the sermon I had heard at church yesterday morning. "Did you take notice to all the helpers God sent to help the people going through this horrible incident? There are so many good people in the world willing to help in anyway they can."

His reply was simple and astounding. "No matter what, God is with me."

I'm not going to go into great detail, but my son and I talked for a good hour or so. I answered many questions, we cried and we hugged. I reassured him many times of how much JD and I love him, how much people in our community love him and how much God loves him.

It was a hard conversation and I know there will still be more questions to come. But I dropped him off at school today and treated it as any other day. I gave him a big bear hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him, "Have a great day! And buddy, I LOVE YOU!!"

He rolled his eyes and whispered, "I love you too!"

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