How I wish the hospital handed you a parenting manual at the same time they hand you that little bundle of joy...
BUT THEY DON'T...it's all for you to figure out, on your own time.
"You're NOT the boss of me!" shouts the 6 year old in our house. I think he's trying to figure out who he truly is and how to interact with us, his parents. The parents on the other hand are trying to figure out where this defiant attitude and rudeness is coming from.
One moment he can be the sweetest little boy, for example yesterday on the way home he says to me, "Mommy, you know what I like best about Christmas? I like best that we are all together, you know, as a family." It melts my heart when I hear my children say something like this...it's so hard to for all of us to be in the same spot at one time anymore. But it shouldn't be hard. I get so caught up in other things I'm doing, I sometimes don't put the family first I believe. That makes me extremely sad. These children are a blessing not a birthright. My husband and I chose to have them and sometimes I don't feel like I'm there for them.
My New Years resolution this year is going to be as follows, My goal is to eat at least 3 meals together as a family each week. AND we are all going to sit at the same table, just not in the same house. If something else comes up, I plan to work around this...because my first priority will be to eat those 3 meals together. The kids are growing up too fast and I don't want to miss it.
So, back to the 6 year old terror in the house.
When parents speak, they demand the child's attention...but I notice myself walking around the house with my iPhone in my hand and while they are talking to me I'm staring at my phone. I'm not giving them the same respect I expect in return. So starting tonight when I get home, my phone is going on the kitchen counter...I'm not carrying it around with me. Perhaps the 6 year old feels not respected and in return doesn't want to show respect.
This is the first thing I am going to work on to become a better parent. Once I get this accomplished, I will move on to the next thing.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Well it happened...not when I was expecting it, but at 4AM this morning. I was expecting to have a sit down conversation when I wasn't half asleep and when I could concentrate and answer the questions that were sure to come to the best of my knowledge.
My oldest entered our room at 4AM this morning, he had tears in his eyes and looked terrified. I figured it was a bad dream or a dreaded stink bug (my oldest is TERRIFIED of stink bugs) I sat up and he embraced me...a hug I haven't felt in a long time...a hug that I didn't want to end. I could feel the terror and confusion in his little body. I wanted to make everything right and tell him everything would be OK, that he had nothing to worry about, but no words came....we just hugged. I started to cry, I knew the question that was coming...
"Mommy...do you think anyone would ever bring a gun to our school?"
I hugged him again.
I searched my brain for answers, the right answers. What I wanted to say vs. What I should say.
"Bad things happen sometimes, there are some not nice people in the world, but you have great teachers and friends and family...people that will protect you no matter what." And then my thoughts shifted to the sermon I had heard at church yesterday morning. "Did you take notice to all the helpers God sent to help the people going through this horrible incident? There are so many good people in the world willing to help in anyway they can."
His reply was simple and astounding. "No matter what, God is with me."
I'm not going to go into great detail, but my son and I talked for a good hour or so. I answered many questions, we cried and we hugged. I reassured him many times of how much JD and I love him, how much people in our community love him and how much God loves him.
It was a hard conversation and I know there will still be more questions to come. But I dropped him off at school today and treated it as any other day. I gave him a big bear hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him, "Have a great day! And buddy, I LOVE YOU!!"
He rolled his eyes and whispered, "I love you too!"
My oldest entered our room at 4AM this morning, he had tears in his eyes and looked terrified. I figured it was a bad dream or a dreaded stink bug (my oldest is TERRIFIED of stink bugs) I sat up and he embraced me...a hug I haven't felt in a long time...a hug that I didn't want to end. I could feel the terror and confusion in his little body. I wanted to make everything right and tell him everything would be OK, that he had nothing to worry about, but no words came....we just hugged. I started to cry, I knew the question that was coming...
"Mommy...do you think anyone would ever bring a gun to our school?"
I hugged him again.
I searched my brain for answers, the right answers. What I wanted to say vs. What I should say.
"Bad things happen sometimes, there are some not nice people in the world, but you have great teachers and friends and family...people that will protect you no matter what." And then my thoughts shifted to the sermon I had heard at church yesterday morning. "Did you take notice to all the helpers God sent to help the people going through this horrible incident? There are so many good people in the world willing to help in anyway they can."
His reply was simple and astounding. "No matter what, God is with me."
I'm not going to go into great detail, but my son and I talked for a good hour or so. I answered many questions, we cried and we hugged. I reassured him many times of how much JD and I love him, how much people in our community love him and how much God loves him.
It was a hard conversation and I know there will still be more questions to come. But I dropped him off at school today and treated it as any other day. I gave him a big bear hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him, "Have a great day! And buddy, I LOVE YOU!!"
He rolled his eyes and whispered, "I love you too!"
Friday, December 14, 2012
The Bedtime...ROUTINE
Well today's a better day then yesterday I must admit, but last night was just the right ending to a horrible day.
I read a blog a few months ago where the mother called bedtime the whack-a-mole game and after last night I couldn't agree more! It's funny, but bedtime in the Dyson household IS just like playing a real life game of whack-a-mole (the kids being those pesky moles, of course). Every night it's the same thing, we start getting the kids ready for bed around 7:30 or 8:00 because we know that they won't be asleep till at least 10:00 *roll of eyes* My husband and I also like to stay involved in many other things so it's usually just one of us here at bedtime...and we try to take turns.
Here's the routine: The boys alternate bath nights so for example; my oldest is Monday night, middle is second night and our youngest (the princess) gets a bath when we can get her in the bathroom and she's still enough to sit in the tub for more then 2 minutes.
So last night it was the middle son's turn...after he got his bath, he then gets 10 minutes of TV time to just calm down a little...some nights there is absolutely no calming down and other nights it seems to work well...last night was one of those nights that it didn't work very well. I was upstairs filling the dishwasher and I thought all three kids were relaxing on the couch watching Rudolph...NOPE! I looked downstairs and it looked like a cyclone hit...(this was 10 minutes after I had cleaned the whole room) where did Kemp get the mop, is my question?!?! And where is Joey?
ANYWAY... it was time to round them all up and head upstairs...the dreaded bedtime...when all I wanted to do is sit down on the couch in front of the fire and be quiet...just stare of into space, thinking about nothing...
I put the boys in their beds, tucked them in, got them ice cold water in their cups, turned on the night light, turned off the lizard light...I couldn't think of anything else they might need (even though I knew as soon as I left, there would be 100 things they would need) I kissed them both and said good night...now don't get out of bed UNLESS you have to use the bathroom then go straight back to bed. *This is the same thing said every night* I closed their door and headed toward the dreaded Emma's room...I got her some water, got her baby stuffed jaguar, stuffed tiger, stuffed scooby doo, put the stuffed Dora beside her bed on the rocking chair, sat the stuffed Minnie doll at the end of her bed and turned the turtle light on. *Just after doing all of that one is exhausted* She crawled up in bed and I started to read her "The Grinch" *I have to admit I skipped a few pages...but somehow his heart still grew three sizes that day* I tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She sweetly looked up at me and asked me to sing her a song...I chose "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" I sang it really fast, probably a little too loud and through clenched teeth...I just wanted to sit down. Finished..."Good night Emma, Sweet Dreams..." I made my escape. I got an ice cold glass of water in the kitchen and headed downstairs..excited to sit and stare blankly at the TV. I nuzzled into the corner of the couch (I chose not to look at the room), covered up with the softest blanket and got comfy...BOOM! I hear feet hit the floor upstairs...First it's Joey, "Mommy?" Me: "Yes, Joey?" Joey: "I need a pencil." Me: "Why? Please go to bed." Joey: "I'm making Kemper's Christmas present." Me: "There's one in the kitchen, make it quick." He returns upstairs. I turn on the TV. BOOM! Kemp appears. Tell Daddy to wake my up to watch the meteor shower. Me: "we'll do, now go to bed." I unpause the TV as I hear him heading up the stairs. BOOM! Pause the TV. Joey appears: "I need scissors" Me: "In the kitchen, please go to bed." Unpause the TV...watch 10 seconds BOOM! Pause TV. Joey appears: "I need tape." Me: "Tomorrow, now go to bed." Unpause TV, 5 minutes of Parenthood watched. Emma appears. Pause TV. Emma: "Me not tired, Me can't sleep" She starts doing somersaults. Me: "Fine, lay down here beside me. Emma: "I forgot Baby Jaguar...*high-pitched squeal* I.NEED.BABY.JAGUAR. I go upstairs and search for baby jaguar...where did she put that thing, he was just here! I crawl under her bed...there he is in the back...get baby jaguar, go out in the hallway. Of course, there's Joey. "What are you doing?" Me: I'm getting Emma's stuffed animal, please just go to bed. Joey retreats...Kemp appears. "What are you doing?" Me: *through cleanced teeth and raised eyebrows* "Getting Baby Jaguar for Emma...GO TO SLEEP!" I've lost it now, my temper has surfaced...I stomp downstairs...here's baby jaguar Emma, please SIT down! Emma: "But me not tired" She says as she jumps on the couch...up and down, up and down, up and down...I sit on the floor. BOOM! Joey appears..."My water isn't cold anymore, I need ice...it's warm" Me: You know where the water and ice is. Emma: "Me wanna watch Dora!! Me wanna watch Dora!! Me: "It's bedtime! Dora is asleep." I give in to her demands...I'm so tired, I just want to sit down so I give in.
Kemp appears: "Is daddy home yet?" I didn't say anything...I gave him THE look...he retreated to his room.
JD arrives home a few minutes later. Emma is still bouncing on the couch. "DADDY!!!" She runs upstairs, now she's really awake and excited. I crawl under blanket on couch and disappear a few minutes. Daddy and Emma come back downstairs. We watch "The Little Engine that could" 11:34, she's still not asleep. I doze off...I wake up at 12:07 in a panic...where is everybody...I go to get off the couch and here's what I found................................................................>
She has passed out! We put her to bed, I return downstairs to watch a show with JD...
within 10 minutes I'm sound asleep.
I will miss these days, right???
I read a blog a few months ago where the mother called bedtime the whack-a-mole game and after last night I couldn't agree more! It's funny, but bedtime in the Dyson household IS just like playing a real life game of whack-a-mole (the kids being those pesky moles, of course). Every night it's the same thing, we start getting the kids ready for bed around 7:30 or 8:00 because we know that they won't be asleep till at least 10:00 *roll of eyes* My husband and I also like to stay involved in many other things so it's usually just one of us here at bedtime...and we try to take turns.
Here's the routine: The boys alternate bath nights so for example; my oldest is Monday night, middle is second night and our youngest (the princess) gets a bath when we can get her in the bathroom and she's still enough to sit in the tub for more then 2 minutes.
So last night it was the middle son's turn...after he got his bath, he then gets 10 minutes of TV time to just calm down a little...some nights there is absolutely no calming down and other nights it seems to work well...last night was one of those nights that it didn't work very well. I was upstairs filling the dishwasher and I thought all three kids were relaxing on the couch watching Rudolph...NOPE! I looked downstairs and it looked like a cyclone hit...(this was 10 minutes after I had cleaned the whole room) where did Kemp get the mop, is my question?!?! And where is Joey?ANYWAY... it was time to round them all up and head upstairs...the dreaded bedtime...when all I wanted to do is sit down on the couch in front of the fire and be quiet...just stare of into space, thinking about nothing...
I put the boys in their beds, tucked them in, got them ice cold water in their cups, turned on the night light, turned off the lizard light...I couldn't think of anything else they might need (even though I knew as soon as I left, there would be 100 things they would need) I kissed them both and said good night...now don't get out of bed UNLESS you have to use the bathroom then go straight back to bed. *This is the same thing said every night* I closed their door and headed toward the dreaded Emma's room...I got her some water, got her baby stuffed jaguar, stuffed tiger, stuffed scooby doo, put the stuffed Dora beside her bed on the rocking chair, sat the stuffed Minnie doll at the end of her bed and turned the turtle light on. *Just after doing all of that one is exhausted* She crawled up in bed and I started to read her "The Grinch" *I have to admit I skipped a few pages...but somehow his heart still grew three sizes that day* I tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She sweetly looked up at me and asked me to sing her a song...I chose "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" I sang it really fast, probably a little too loud and through clenched teeth...I just wanted to sit down. Finished..."Good night Emma, Sweet Dreams..." I made my escape. I got an ice cold glass of water in the kitchen and headed downstairs..excited to sit and stare blankly at the TV. I nuzzled into the corner of the couch (I chose not to look at the room), covered up with the softest blanket and got comfy...BOOM! I hear feet hit the floor upstairs...First it's Joey, "Mommy?" Me: "Yes, Joey?" Joey: "I need a pencil." Me: "Why? Please go to bed." Joey: "I'm making Kemper's Christmas present." Me: "There's one in the kitchen, make it quick." He returns upstairs. I turn on the TV. BOOM! Kemp appears. Tell Daddy to wake my up to watch the meteor shower. Me: "we'll do, now go to bed." I unpause the TV as I hear him heading up the stairs. BOOM! Pause the TV. Joey appears: "I need scissors" Me: "In the kitchen, please go to bed." Unpause the TV...watch 10 seconds BOOM! Pause TV. Joey appears: "I need tape." Me: "Tomorrow, now go to bed." Unpause TV, 5 minutes of Parenthood watched. Emma appears. Pause TV. Emma: "Me not tired, Me can't sleep" She starts doing somersaults. Me: "Fine, lay down here beside me. Emma: "I forgot Baby Jaguar...*high-pitched squeal* I.NEED.BABY.JAGUAR. I go upstairs and search for baby jaguar...where did she put that thing, he was just here! I crawl under her bed...there he is in the back...get baby jaguar, go out in the hallway. Of course, there's Joey. "What are you doing?" Me: I'm getting Emma's stuffed animal, please just go to bed. Joey retreats...Kemp appears. "What are you doing?" Me: *through cleanced teeth and raised eyebrows* "Getting Baby Jaguar for Emma...GO TO SLEEP!" I've lost it now, my temper has surfaced...I stomp downstairs...here's baby jaguar Emma, please SIT down! Emma: "But me not tired" She says as she jumps on the couch...up and down, up and down, up and down...I sit on the floor. BOOM! Joey appears..."My water isn't cold anymore, I need ice...it's warm" Me: You know where the water and ice is. Emma: "Me wanna watch Dora!! Me wanna watch Dora!! Me: "It's bedtime! Dora is asleep." I give in to her demands...I'm so tired, I just want to sit down so I give in.
Kemp appears: "Is daddy home yet?" I didn't say anything...I gave him THE look...he retreated to his room.
She has passed out! We put her to bed, I return downstairs to watch a show with JD...
within 10 minutes I'm sound asleep.
I will miss these days, right???
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Just can't get it right
It's weird how some days you just can't get it right, but other days you feel like nothing can go wrong...and those days can happen one right after the other...it doesn't matter if you are on cloud nine one day, the very next you could be sinking in your own spit.
Today is one of those sinking in my own spit kind of days...I should have stayed in bed...but if I would have done that even more people would be upset with me.
I try not to have "bad" days, but sometimes it's just unavoidable. BUT then again, it is only 11am, this day has the possibility of turning itself around.
OK, as I sit here and stare out the window and have a conversation in my head about why this day is so bad, I can't come up with any one answer. It just is...and here I sit alone, listening to Jimi Hendrix on Pandora. It's also weird how my Pandora station knows my mood in the morning...is there a little magical person hiding in my computer? And they can see if I'm smiling, crying or scowling when I open it up?
All I can say is thank goodness for this blog...it's pure therapy for me.
Joe Purdy sang:
"I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh, I guess I'm gonna give up.
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hid
I just hate bringing' you down
Oh, I just hate bringing' you down."
It's a miserable song...it makes me sad. I wish life was all rainbows and DisneyWorld trips and anything else that makes you happy. BUT it's not...life is filled with arguments, grouchy people, bills, death, sickness and other nasty things. OK, Rhonda turn this day around...
The arguments are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to argue with...people that care about you and are arguing because they want the best for you.
The grouchy people are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to be a ray of sunshine too...brighten their day, don't let their grouchiness bring you down.
The bills are a BLESSING because it means you have things to pay for like heat, a home, electric and many other things.
Death can be a BLESSING because it means someone was here to share their life and you got to know them while they were here and share in the gifts they had.
Sickness can be a BLESSING because it helps you realize how amazing your family and friend are and it makes you thankful for health when good health returns.
Now, believe it or not, Pandora is playing, "I am a Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys...
What should I name the magical person in my computer?!?!
OK...it's gonna be a good day.
"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So...get on your way!" ~Dr. Seuss
Today is one of those sinking in my own spit kind of days...I should have stayed in bed...but if I would have done that even more people would be upset with me.
I try not to have "bad" days, but sometimes it's just unavoidable. BUT then again, it is only 11am, this day has the possibility of turning itself around.
OK, as I sit here and stare out the window and have a conversation in my head about why this day is so bad, I can't come up with any one answer. It just is...and here I sit alone, listening to Jimi Hendrix on Pandora. It's also weird how my Pandora station knows my mood in the morning...is there a little magical person hiding in my computer? And they can see if I'm smiling, crying or scowling when I open it up?
All I can say is thank goodness for this blog...it's pure therapy for me.
Joe Purdy sang:
"I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh, I guess I'm gonna give up.
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hid
I just hate bringing' you down
Oh, I just hate bringing' you down."
It's a miserable song...it makes me sad. I wish life was all rainbows and DisneyWorld trips and anything else that makes you happy. BUT it's not...life is filled with arguments, grouchy people, bills, death, sickness and other nasty things. OK, Rhonda turn this day around...
The arguments are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to argue with...people that care about you and are arguing because they want the best for you.
The grouchy people are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to be a ray of sunshine too...brighten their day, don't let their grouchiness bring you down.
The bills are a BLESSING because it means you have things to pay for like heat, a home, electric and many other things.
Death can be a BLESSING because it means someone was here to share their life and you got to know them while they were here and share in the gifts they had.
Sickness can be a BLESSING because it helps you realize how amazing your family and friend are and it makes you thankful for health when good health returns.
Now, believe it or not, Pandora is playing, "I am a Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys...
What should I name the magical person in my computer?!?!
OK...it's gonna be a good day.
"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So...get on your way!" ~Dr. Seuss
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
How OLD am I?
I remember when I was younger, specifically my 5th birthday, it couldn't get here fast enough. I wanted a Barbie Dreamhouse, nothing could be better, nothing. My birthday happened to be on a Saturday that year so I got to have a small party at my house....oh, how excited I was! Everybody arrived and since it was winter we had to play in my bedroom, about 5 or 6 squealing girls, running around a very tiny house as my mom followed us around and made sure nothing got broken. The dining room table was all decorated with a big cake, colorful balloons, red and blue streamers, it was perfect....Then came the moment to open the presents...the moment I had been looking forward too all day! BUT, there were no boxes big enough to be a Barbie dream house... :( I figured it MUST be in pieces and wrapped up separately to fool me...yeah, that's it...my parents (especially my dad) were always jokesters. I opened up every gift and they were cool, but no Barbie dream house...there was one box left, it was from my grandfather (I knew this box did not hold a Barbie dream house). I opened it up slowly and in the box, there was a pair of binoculars. I immediately burst into tears. BINOCULARS!! What was a 5 year old girl going to do with binoculars?
I look back on this moment now and I can't believe how selfish and spoiled I acted. (I'm curling my nose up right now and making a face at myself).
The day went on and my friends and I had a blast and everything was fine, but at that one moment I felt like my life was in shambles...yes, shambles...over a stinking toy!
Now, I'm facing my 34th or 35th birthday today (I don't keep track anymore, I just know I'm getting older and getting gray hair) The gray hair I noticed over the weekend while I was in a local community theatre play...blast those dressing room lights for pointing so many hairs out to me!
It's funny how presents don't matter anymore, all I want are hugs from my family and smiles and to know that everyone is happy. My middle child gave me a gift this morning. He made a moon in school for me. He explained that I could look at this moon whenever I am sad or scared and think of him and know that if it is night time, he is looking at the moon also and thinking of me. I sat in my car after I dropped the boys off at school and cried. It was the sweetest thing. Small acts of kindness like that are just the BEST!! It also amazes me the amount of friends on Facebook that stop and take time to wish me a Happy Birthday! You sometimes get up in the morning, in a rush to get everybody where they need to go and don't think about how blessed you really are. LIFE IS GOOD! I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes I hate going to work, sometimes I grumble about how messy the house is, sometimes my kids don't move fast enough, sometimes my husband and I just can't seem to get on the same page, sometimes there is just disarray everywhere, BUT no matter what I have been blessed with a WONDERFUL husband, 3 CARING children, many FUNNY and IRREPLACEABLE friends, a WARM house, ENOUGH money to pay the bills, LOVING parents and, that my friends, is the BEST birthday gift ever!
I look back on this moment now and I can't believe how selfish and spoiled I acted. (I'm curling my nose up right now and making a face at myself).
The day went on and my friends and I had a blast and everything was fine, but at that one moment I felt like my life was in shambles...yes, shambles...over a stinking toy!
Now, I'm facing my 34th or 35th birthday today (I don't keep track anymore, I just know I'm getting older and getting gray hair) The gray hair I noticed over the weekend while I was in a local community theatre play...blast those dressing room lights for pointing so many hairs out to me!
It's funny how presents don't matter anymore, all I want are hugs from my family and smiles and to know that everyone is happy. My middle child gave me a gift this morning. He made a moon in school for me. He explained that I could look at this moon whenever I am sad or scared and think of him and know that if it is night time, he is looking at the moon also and thinking of me. I sat in my car after I dropped the boys off at school and cried. It was the sweetest thing. Small acts of kindness like that are just the BEST!! It also amazes me the amount of friends on Facebook that stop and take time to wish me a Happy Birthday! You sometimes get up in the morning, in a rush to get everybody where they need to go and don't think about how blessed you really are. LIFE IS GOOD! I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes I hate going to work, sometimes I grumble about how messy the house is, sometimes my kids don't move fast enough, sometimes my husband and I just can't seem to get on the same page, sometimes there is just disarray everywhere, BUT no matter what I have been blessed with a WONDERFUL husband, 3 CARING children, many FUNNY and IRREPLACEABLE friends, a WARM house, ENOUGH money to pay the bills, LOVING parents and, that my friends, is the BEST birthday gift ever!
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