Well it happened...not when I was expecting it, but at 4AM this morning. I was expecting to have a sit down conversation when I wasn't half asleep and when I could concentrate and answer the questions that were sure to come to the best of my knowledge.
My oldest entered our room at 4AM this morning, he had tears in his eyes and looked terrified. I figured it was a bad dream or a dreaded stink bug (my oldest is TERRIFIED of stink bugs) I sat up and he embraced me...a hug I haven't felt in a long time...a hug that I didn't want to end. I could feel the terror and confusion in his little body. I wanted to make everything right and tell him everything would be OK, that he had nothing to worry about, but no words came....we just hugged. I started to cry, I knew the question that was coming...
"Mommy...do you think anyone would ever bring a gun to our school?"

I hugged him again.

I searched my brain for answers, the right answers. What I wanted to say vs. What I should say.

"Bad things happen sometimes, there are some not nice people in the world, but you have great teachers and friends and family...people that will protect you no matter what." And then my thoughts shifted to the sermon I had heard at church yesterday morning. "Did you take notice to all the helpers God sent to help the people going through this horrible incident? There are so many good people in the world willing to help in anyway they can."

His reply was simple and astounding. "No matter what, God is with me."

I'm not going to go into great detail, but my son and I talked for a good hour or so. I answered many questions, we cried and we hugged. I reassured him many times of how much JD and I love him, how much people in our community love him and how much God loves him.

It was a hard conversation and I know there will still be more questions to come. But I dropped him off at school today and treated it as any other day. I gave him a big bear hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him, "Have a great day! And buddy, I LOVE YOU!!"

He rolled his eyes and whispered, "I love you too!"

The Bedtime...ROUTINE

Well today's a better day then yesterday I must admit, but last night was just the right ending to a horrible day.
I read a blog a few months ago where the mother called bedtime the whack-a-mole game and after last night I couldn't agree more! It's funny, but bedtime in the Dyson household IS just like playing a real life game of whack-a-mole (the kids being those pesky moles, of course). Every night it's the same thing, we start getting the kids ready for bed around 7:30 or 8:00 because we know that they won't be asleep till at least 10:00 *roll of eyes* My husband and I also like to stay involved in many other things so it's usually just one of us here at bedtime...and we try to take turns.
Here's the routine: The boys alternate bath nights so for example; my oldest is Monday night, middle is second night and our youngest (the princess) gets a bath when we can get her in the bathroom and she's still enough to sit in the tub for more then 2 minutes.
So last night it was the middle son's turn...after he got his bath, he then gets 10 minutes of TV time to just calm down a little...some nights there is absolutely no calming down and other nights it seems to work well...last night was one of those nights that it didn't work very well. I was upstairs filling the dishwasher and I thought all three kids were relaxing on the couch watching Rudolph...NOPE! I looked downstairs and it looked like a cyclone hit...(this was 10 minutes after I had cleaned the whole room) where did Kemp get the mop, is my question?!?! And where is Joey?
ANYWAY... it was time to round them all up and head upstairs...the dreaded bedtime...when all I wanted to do is sit down on the couch in front of the fire and be quiet...just stare of into space, thinking about nothing...
I put the boys in their beds, tucked them in, got them ice cold water in their cups, turned on the night light, turned off the lizard light...I couldn't think of anything else they might need (even though I knew as soon as I left, there would be 100 things they would need) I kissed them both and said good night...now don't get out of bed UNLESS you have to use the bathroom then go straight back to bed. *This is the same thing said every night* I closed their door and headed toward the dreaded Emma's room...I got her some water, got her baby stuffed jaguar, stuffed tiger, stuffed scooby doo, put the stuffed Dora beside her bed on the rocking chair, sat the stuffed Minnie doll at the end of her bed and turned the turtle light on. *Just after doing all of that one is exhausted* She crawled up in bed and I started to read her "The Grinch" *I have to admit I skipped a few pages...but somehow his heart still grew three sizes that day* I tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She sweetly looked up at me and asked me to sing her a song...I chose "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" I sang it really fast, probably a little too loud and through clenched teeth...I just wanted to sit down. Finished..."Good night Emma, Sweet Dreams..." I made my escape. I got an ice cold glass of water in the kitchen and headed downstairs..excited to sit and stare blankly at the TV. I nuzzled into the corner of the couch (I chose not to look at the room), covered up with the softest blanket and got comfy...BOOM! I hear feet hit the floor upstairs...First it's Joey, "Mommy?" Me: "Yes, Joey?" Joey: "I need a pencil." Me: "Why? Please go to bed." Joey: "I'm making Kemper's Christmas present." Me: "There's one in the kitchen, make it quick." He returns upstairs. I turn on the TV. BOOM! Kemp appears. Tell Daddy to wake my up to watch the meteor shower. Me: "we'll do, now go to bed." I unpause the TV as I hear him heading up the stairs. BOOM! Pause the TV. Joey appears: "I need scissors" Me: "In the kitchen, please go to bed." Unpause the TV...watch 10 seconds BOOM! Pause TV. Joey appears: "I need tape." Me: "Tomorrow, now go to bed." Unpause TV, 5 minutes of Parenthood watched. Emma appears. Pause TV. Emma: "Me not tired, Me can't sleep" She starts doing somersaults. Me: "Fine, lay down here beside me. Emma: "I forgot Baby Jaguar...*high-pitched squeal* I.NEED.BABY.JAGUAR. I go upstairs and search for baby jaguar...where did she put that thing, he was just here! I crawl under her bed...there he is in the back...get baby jaguar, go out in the hallway. Of course, there's Joey. "What are you doing?" Me: I'm getting Emma's stuffed animal, please just go to bed. Joey retreats...Kemp appears. "What are you doing?" Me: *through cleanced teeth and raised eyebrows* "Getting Baby Jaguar for Emma...GO TO SLEEP!" I've lost it now, my temper has surfaced...I stomp downstairs...here's baby jaguar Emma, please SIT down! Emma: "But me not tired" She says as she jumps on the couch...up and down, up and down, up and down...I sit on the floor. BOOM! Joey appears..."My water isn't cold anymore, I need ice...it's warm" Me: You know where the water and ice is. Emma: "Me wanna watch Dora!! Me wanna watch Dora!! Me: "It's bedtime! Dora is asleep." I give in to her demands...I'm so tired, I just want to sit down so I give in.
Kemp appears: "Is daddy home yet?" I didn't say anything...I gave him THE look...he retreated to his room.

JD arrives home a few minutes later. Emma is still bouncing on the couch. "DADDY!!!" She runs upstairs, now she's really awake and excited. I crawl under blanket on couch and disappear a few minutes. Daddy and Emma come back downstairs. We watch "The Little Engine that could" 11:34, she's still not asleep. I doze off...I wake up at 12:07 in a panic...where is everybody...I go to get off the couch and here's what I found................................................................>

She has passed out! We put her to bed, I return downstairs to watch a show with JD...

within 10 minutes I'm sound asleep.

I will miss these days, right???

Just can't get it right

It's weird how some days you just can't get it right, but other days you feel like nothing can go wrong...and those days can happen one right after the other...it doesn't matter if you are on cloud nine one day, the very next you could be sinking in your own spit.
Today is one of those sinking in my own spit kind of days...I should have stayed in bed...but if I would have done that even more people would be upset with me.
I try not to have "bad" days, but sometimes it's just unavoidable. BUT then again, it is only 11am, this day has the possibility of turning itself around.
OK, as I sit here and stare out the window and have a conversation in my head about why this day is so bad, I can't come up with any one answer. It just is...and here I sit alone, listening to Jimi Hendrix on Pandora. It's also weird how my Pandora station knows my mood in the morning...is there a little magical person hiding in my computer? And they can see if I'm smiling, crying or scowling when I open it up?
All I can say is thank goodness for this blog...it's pure therapy for me.

Joe Purdy sang:
"I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I just can't seem, to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh, I guess I'm gonna give up.

I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hid
I just hate bringing' you down
Oh, I just hate bringing' you down."

It's a miserable song...it makes me sad. I wish life was all rainbows and DisneyWorld trips and anything else that makes you happy. BUT it's not...life is filled with arguments, grouchy people, bills, death, sickness and other nasty things. OK, Rhonda turn this day around...

The arguments are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to argue with...people that care about you and are arguing because they want the best for you.
The grouchy people are a BLESSING because it means you have people in your life to be a ray of sunshine too...brighten their day, don't let their grouchiness bring you down.
The bills are a BLESSING because it means you have things to pay for like heat, a home, electric and many other things.
Death can be a BLESSING because it means someone was here to share their life and you got to know them while they were here and share in the gifts they had.
Sickness can be a BLESSING because it helps you realize how amazing your family and friend are and it makes you thankful for health when good health returns.

Now, believe it or not, Pandora is playing, "I am a Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys...

What should I name the magical person in my computer?!?!

OK...it's gonna be a good day.
"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So...get on your way!" ~Dr. Seuss

How OLD am I?

I remember when I was younger, specifically my 5th birthday, it couldn't get here fast enough. I wanted a Barbie Dreamhouse, nothing could be better, nothing. My birthday happened to be on a Saturday that year so I got to have a small party at my house....oh, how excited I was! Everybody arrived and since it was winter we had to play in my bedroom, about 5 or 6 squealing girls, running around a very tiny house as my mom followed us around and made sure nothing got broken. The dining room table was all decorated with a big cake, colorful balloons, red and blue streamers, it was perfect....Then came the moment to open the presents...the moment I had been looking forward too all day! BUT, there were no boxes big enough to be a Barbie dream house... :( I figured it MUST be in pieces and wrapped up separately to fool me...yeah, that's it...my parents (especially my dad) were always jokesters. I opened up every gift and they were cool, but no Barbie dream house...there was one box left, it was from my grandfather (I knew this box did not hold a Barbie dream house). I opened it up slowly and in the box, there was a pair of binoculars. I immediately burst into tears. BINOCULARS!! What was a 5 year old girl going to do with binoculars?
I look back on this moment now and I can't believe how selfish and spoiled I acted. (I'm curling my nose up right now and making a face at myself).
The day went on and my friends and I had a blast and everything was fine, but at that one moment I felt like my life was in shambles...yes, shambles...over a stinking toy!

Now, I'm facing my 34th or 35th birthday today (I don't keep track anymore, I just know I'm getting older and getting gray hair) The gray hair I noticed over the weekend while I was in a local community theatre play...blast those dressing room lights for pointing so many hairs out to me!

It's funny how presents don't matter anymore, all I want are hugs from my family and smiles and to know that everyone is happy. My middle child gave me a gift this morning. He made a moon in school for me. He explained that I could look at this moon whenever I am sad or scared and think of him and know that if it is night time, he is looking at the moon also and thinking of me. I sat in my car after I dropped the boys off at school and cried. It was the sweetest thing. Small acts of kindness like that are just the BEST!! It also amazes me the amount of friends on Facebook that stop and take time to wish me a Happy Birthday! You sometimes get up in the morning, in a rush to get everybody where they need to go and don't think about how blessed you really are. LIFE IS GOOD! I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes I hate going to work, sometimes I grumble about how messy the house is, sometimes my kids don't move fast enough, sometimes my husband and I just can't seem to get on the same page, sometimes there is just disarray everywhere, BUT no matter what I have been blessed with a WONDERFUL husband, 3 CARING children, many FUNNY and IRREPLACEABLE friends, a WARM house, ENOUGH money to pay the bills, LOVING parents and, that my friends, is the BEST birthday gift ever!

WHAT?!?!

I love working in the advertising field...I really do! Yes, it has it's down times, times when I wish I would have never spent 4+ years of my life studying it...but most of the time I really enjoy it and it gives me many laughs. (Which, in my opinion you should have at least 1 good belly laugh a day)

When it was time for me to decide what to do with the rest of my life, I enrolled in college. I enrolled as an undecided major and spent as much time undecided as I possibly could. I started to lean toward a social work degree in my sophomore year, then I moved towards psychology in the second half of my sophomore year, then it was onto a teaching degree in my junior year (unfortunately my advisor told me I would never make it as a teacher that I should just find a different major) Wow! He was pretty blunt! I then moved to a communication/journalism degree in the second half of my junior year. I liked it...my favorite part was broadcasting media. I thought for sure I was going to be the next weather girl on ABC27 news in Harrisburg.
In the meantime, I was changing part-time jobs rapidly from cashier, pizza maker, jewelry salesperson, deli clerk, WTPA disc jockey covering the Hershey Bears games to front-desk person at the local newspaper. My boyfriend and I were also busy planning our wedding at this time.
My last semester of college I finally figured out what I wanted to do, I wanted to do computer graphics! It was artistic and fun! AND the local paper I started at was hiring a graphic artist...PERFECT TIMING! The last week of finals was also my last week as a single woman... (yes I was that crazy person that plans their wedding while taking finals) I took my last final on Friday and was married on Saturday evening. AND I got the job as a part-time graphic artist at a place I already knew everybody and how everything worked!
But now 5 or so years later (OK, that might be a little fib) I think it's time to change careers. Don't get me wrong, I still love doing graphics...I find it fun and a great way to be creative (most of the time). I don't think I will ever truly leave this field...I have many good memories from it. For example:

1. Never abbreviate Assorted...No one wants to eat Ass' donuts
2. I can't go to a restaurant without critiquing the menu design.
3. There is never a time that you should use Comic Sans...NEVER
4. Fux is so close to fax and will not be caught by spellcheck...Please fux us 000-000-0000....
5. Restaurants very rarely served masked potatoes for Thanksgiving.
6. You never turn your clocks forward by turning them cockwise.
7. Kerning is very important...(this is the space between each letter) For example: If you wish to say Just a click away and the c and l are too close, it will end of saying Just a dick away.
8. Pubic and Public are very close in spelling, though they mean two entirely different things.
9. As a graphic designer you don't want to hear "I need the design in Word so I can make changes myself." WHAT?!?!
10. I do not know how to add and subtract, so don't even ask me. I do understand letters and fonts though :)
11. Make sure you get the right vowel when talking about a great deck for entertaining..."Huge dick for entertaining" doesn't quite paint the same picture

So where do I go from here? I wish I knew. Each day is a new adventure :)

I was exhausted and brain dead when I got home from play practice last night around 9:30.  All I wanted to do was go to bed, stare blankly at my phone, play some Words with Friends, and nod off to sleep. It was about 10:30 when Joey walked down the hall to use the bathroom. I was alone in our room (JD had fallen asleep in Emma's room) and I watched him hobble down the hallway bumping into the only 2 walls between his room and the bathroom. I heard the toilet flush and here came Joey wide-eyed into our bedroom. I asked if he was OK and he said, God just whispered to me. Now, this is not the first time Joey has talked about God talking to him and telling him things, so I wasn't surprised.

I asked him what God said this time...he said, "God whispered in my ear, WAKE UP JOEY! WAKE up and put up the toilet seat so you don't pee on it. Your mom would not be happy if you peed on the seat." I told Joey how smart God was...

I thought that would be the end of our conversation, but he plopped himself down on the edge of the bed and started telling me about all the times God has talked to him. Now, if you know Joey, he is quite an amazing little man. He has the most amazing memory and can recall things that happened to him when he was just a baby. Things we have never told him about, but things he can clearly remember...it amazes JD and I all the time. It sends chills up my spine when Joey talks about his encounters with God and humbles me at the same time.

Joey left me with these words of wisdom last night before he went to bed. "Just listen...I'm sure He will talk to you, if you just listen."

I fell asleep and dreamt of a relative that passed away a few years ago. He was a great man...someone who was always happy, always willing to help out anyway he could. I loved him. In my dream we were playing baseball together and I introduced him to all my kids...he hugged them all, and then hugged me...I woke up crying. The last real memory I have of him is dancing with him at my wedding. It was the last time I saw him walk...he was put in a wheelchair a few months later.

So Joey, I'm listening...this is what I heard. Be thankful for the time you get to spend with your family and friends...cherish every moment, even if there is nothing extraordinary about the moment...Cherish it.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." 

~ unknown

Even though I couldn't care less about which celebrity wore it best, I listened to the cashier at a local convenience store about 10 minutes this morning talk about it.

This little old lady, with her half buttoned smock and eye shadow up to her eyebrows waits on me almost every morning I go there. She always seems so happy.

At first I thought she was just faking a happy face, making the best of a situation I didn't know about. After all, she couldn't be happy working at the convenience store everyday, could she? BUT I was missing the biggest part of why I was happy when I saw her there...she DOES enjoy her job. She seems happy.....because SHE IS happy!

My life doesn't always look like I want it to. I spend many days going into work, when I'd rather work from home or from a beach-side office that I share with some other equally artistic people as me. I drive an old VW Passat, when I'd prefer a brand new Jeep Wrangler or Saab convertible.

But seriously, would the world change all that much if I had more money, a different job, or a nicer car? The wrapping paper would be different, but the gifts inside would stay the same.

The way I feel about myself; how much I open myself to new people and new experiences; how often I choose to smile or laugh just because it feels good. None of these things depend on my life situation.

So I'm gonna work hard on the following things:

1. Enjoy the present moment.  

2. Notice and appreciate the details. Enjoy the little things and your happiness will grow.  Think about things that fill you with joy...spending time with your kids, riding your bike, watching a movie with some good friends. Focus on those things, and let them brighten your day. That way, no matter what changes, you'll have a variety of simple pleasures to help you through.

3. Everyday is a new opportunity to be better then yesterday. Look at the things you do as opportunities to get better from one day to the next.

4. Always ask yourself - "How can I be that person I want to be in this moment?"

5. Find joy in the present moment - happiness is a moment-to-moment choice, one that many have a hard time making. Other people will notice if you make that choice. AND you will motivate them to do the same..

HAPPINESS is about how you interpret what's in front of you. How proud you are of the way you live your life. How willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures, even if things aren't perfect.