I was watching a television show with my daughter last night (she loves it, I'm not a fan, but hey, spending quality time with her is the best) and in the episode it was talking about a parent's death. In the episode, the main character had his shadow keep following him because he was afraid to face his past...he never visited his mom's grave. He refused to acknowledge his mom was gone and said it was so much easier on him to not visit. I get it. I haven't visited my dad's grave since the funeral service. I can't. Even now just thinking about it makes my whole posture and outlook on the day change. After my grandfather passed, I visited his grave numerous times. Did it make me sad? Yes. But it also brought closure. I was able to talk to him and remember him. Why can't I do that with my dad? My mom has invited me to go along numerous times with her and I can constantly come up with an excuse as to why I can't. I carry on each day sometimes with just a fleeting thought of my dad, but he's always on the back of my mind. There's always something that reminds me of him or something he had said or something he had done...but I'm able to push it down and carry on...focus on work, focus on the kids, focus on the house. Anything to not think about him as gone.
I wonder to myself why I can't face this. September will be 2 years since my dad passed.